RE: Sean's family post

Was reading BR Sean's post regarding his family.  And now at the age of 29 I am finally realizing how IMPORTANT your family is, and your relationships, and how they change and how they change you as a person.

Growing up was hard for me.  I mean I know everyone can say that, and obviously there are different levels of what you can consider 'hard', but here it goes...

I don't really remember my parents ever liking eachother.  We were a family yes, but there was ALWAYS tension.  My parents finally seperated when I was in grade 8.  Before, that it was hard living as a family of 4 when your parents slept on different floors and on the outside people think things are ok, and you have to put on a happy face.  After my parents split up was actually probably harder on me, because of the relationship I had with my father...

Let's start with my mom...She is the most caring, understanding, and kind mother I could ever ask for!! Her love for her children was unconditional and she always let me know that she loved me.  I feel like I could tell her anything that was bothering me, whether it be painful, embarassing or whatever. I knew that I could always talk with my mother.  I know that she got that from her mother, my grandmother, who was the sweetest person ever!!  My mom is still such a special part of my life and we are like best friends now.  With my sports as a kid my mom would be there to support me 100%.  She was an amazing cheerleader!!  Maybe she was too much of a worrier, but ill take it  :)

My relationship with my father was a different story.  On the outside, to my friends, he was a great dad, generous, caring and would buy me things...on the inside things are a little different.
He was a smart man, a lawyer, but that just meant the manipulation and the mind games and the abuse were well hidden. 
I have been an athlete all my life, even playing for the Canadian Women's Soccer Team, and although now i see it as the most amazing accomplishment, i couldn't enjoy it at the time. 
My father would yell, shout, hit, ALL the time after I would get off the field.  He would yell at me from the time I entered the car, to the time I got home, and that could be HOURS!!!!
When my parents split he made me feel guilty for leaving him, so i ended up living with him, but things were so much worse.  I hated playing sports because of him eventhough I was really good at it and loved the game.
My father died when I was 17 of a heart attack.  I was in the car when he died.  We were driving home from a sprint practice for me when the heart attack occurred. Luckily we were at a stop sign when it happened.  Days before this my father told me he wasn't feeling well, that his arm was numb, that if something should happen I should call his parents. 
I was angry at him after he died for knowing that he could have had a heart attack and didn't care that i was in the car with him.  To be perfectly honest, i think my dad would rather I have died then to have lived on without him.  I know that is a sick thing to say, but its the truth.  He was possessive and mean.

Even now I see my friends still playing on the national team and it makes me angry.  Angry that I could have still been there if things were different.  If I could have loved the game...

But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  I have learned things from my dad.  That you have to practice and practive HARD to acheive.  He has given me his work ethic which I am grateful for, and his smarts.  But I have learned how NOT to be when i have kids of my own.  I will LOVE my children wholeheartedly and unconditionally, and when they play sports, to support them and not yell....

Anyways, that was just a little bit about my family life....

OFF TO WORKOUT!!! WOO HOOO!!!!
Exercise is SUCH an amazing and positive way to blow off steam.... LOVE IT!

BODYROCKIN Today!!!! 800 rep workout and Seans ballet routine i mean back and biceps :)